Where’s my wagon?

Well, as you can probably guess by my widget on the side, I fell off the wagon starting last Thursday and am really struggling to get back on. The little voice inside my head is currently telling me to go down to the soda shop and get some ice cream. I find it really hard to ignore this little voice, I just wish it would stop.

I have my mid-cycle scan tomorrow morning to check how my follicles are growing. I’m a little worried. My fertility monitor hasn’t even given me a high reading which is totally abnormal. I’m really just nervous about everything. I’ve finally stopped dragging my feet about doing an IUI and I’m afraid this month will be cancelled due to something. I’m really trying to stay positive and not think about the negative, but those that have been through this know that you go through all of the what ifs on a daily basis. Oh yeah, after the doctor’s appointment, I get to go to Jury Duty, fantastic.

I’ve been to two acupuncture sessions in the last week and have a third one today. I’m really enjoying them and I hope my body is getting in line and balanced or whatever happens during the session. It’s a community acupuncture place which is pretty interesting. There are four chairs per room and the acupuncturist leans you back, sticks the pins in and then leaves you for an hour with some really relaxing music. Along with the music, there is usually some big guy snoring away. I hope that’s not me one of these days (I also hope I’m not referred to as a big guy ever).

A coworker, the only other infertile that I know personally going through infertility treatments is having her IUI with the same doctor tomorrow a few hours after my scan. I’m super stoked for her. She is the one who referred me to my RE. She’s been diagnosed with PCOS and has a high stress job. I hope this works out for both of us.

I’m going to finish this post later. I’m going to take a walk to see if I can quiet down the ice cream voice in my head. Stay tuned…..

1 hour later: Well, I made it! I did a quick EFT session, took a 30 minute walk and got through my craving. I feel victorious. I only have a few more hours left of work to get through, then acupuncture, then home to the hubs and the delicious Paleo Shepherd’s Pie that I made last night. The recipe is from Elana’s Pantry. It has bacon (Applegate uncured), enough said. I just need to figure out how to make the Cauliflower mash a little thicker.

I think I’m going to try this EFT stuff on my smoking voice. It really worked today and gave me the confidence I needed to get through it. If you haven’t tried it or heard of it, check out some videos on youtube.

Advertisements

Getting my fertility on!

So, I finally made it one full day without smoking. Today is day 2, grrrrr. It hasn’t actually been too bad, the hubs quit with me. I do really want to smoke, but it’s much like I really  want a cinnamon roll AND I LOVE CINNAMON ROLLS (the plural is not only for grammar, but also because I like to eat more than one at a time). My attitude with wheat, alcohol and sugar is just No, not now, maybe in 6 months. I swear when I get that positive test, the Keebler elves will be my new best friends. Well, for at least a day. So, I’m taking the same stance with smoking. Nope, not smoking today, maybe in 6 months or so. It’s working so far. I don’t know if I mentioned this before, but the natural fertility people say that if your body isn’t acting like it should (i.e. PCOS, anovulation, etc.), then something is most likely wrong with your health that you can correct AND you can probably get your fertility back. I don’t ovulate, I plan on getting that back. I made my acupuncture appointment today. It’s for Friday and I’m super stoked. We shall see how it goes. It’s a community acupuncture place. You have your personalized treatment in a room of 4 people. I guess I’m ok with that. Other than that and a slight freak out last Friday when I realized my prescription wasn’t called in, things are AOK.

I have got to get the almonds out of the house. I just can’t stop eating them. They will be gone tomorrow.

On other news, I got my first comment EVER! Thanks Sian!

It still blows my mind that anyone reads this rambling. But, it’s like we’re all in this together. My story may be a little different, but really it’s the same. So, thanks for listening.

Survived Happy Hour

Weekends are the hardest for me. On Friday’s we have happy hour at a different friend’s house each week. It’s usually kind of difficult because my friends are hilarious and we have a great time and it’s easy to reach for a beer or a tasty snack. Well, as the sober person of the group, I can honestly say that my friends are just as hilarious. I had a good time with my sparkling water with lemon and lime. We are hosting next week. I’m thinking of making kale chips and cut veggies along with some regular chips and dip. I totally binged on almonds and dried apples today, but I was feeling really snacky and I went to the store when I was hungry. They were good, but I felt terrible by the end of the night. I think I’ll start knitting again. It’ll give me something to do with my hands so that I’m not mindlessly eating and when I quit smoking on Monday, it’ll help with that as well.

I am a very private person and only a few of my select friends know the real reason why I am not drinking. Part of me wishes they would all know and I wouldn’t have to go around touting this sugar detox program. Especially after 3 weeks when the detox is supposed to be over. I have a feeling that when I make it to that point, they just won’t care anymore. I just need the voices in my head to SHUT UP!

This post is boring today. I’m just not feeling so witty.

Today I make myself a promise. I promise I will not ingest the things that I’ve sworn off in my journey in TTC. Just for today. I will not binge. I may binge tomorrow, but I’ll tackle that day when it comes.

CD1 – Finally here

Well, as the title suggests, AF came today which puts me at CD1. Yay! I called my RE first thing and got an appointment for the afternoon. I had my baseline scan and got my prescription for Letrozole and an appointment for May 17 to check the size of my follies. Hopefully, that means IUI on Monday the 20th or Tuesday the 21st. I also requested a trigger since I don’t get blaring positive opks. Based on my baseline scan it looks like I definitely ovulated from my right ovary. Yay right ovary, good job!

In other news, work today was terrible. I felt like crap all bloated and crampy. It’s raining, again. And I have a ton on my plate. I need to do some positive visualizations tonight. I decided that I am going to call the acupuncturist tomorrow. It will help with the no smoking thing and pre/post IUI. I didn’t smoke all day, but then caved this afternoon (frowny face). I did stay away from the other things that are on the right side of my page, except I binged on almonds. I didn’t do it all in one sitting, but I had more than the allotted 1 heaping handful, unless your hand is that of a Sasquatch. I did make it to my second Jazzercise class this week and if I complete my run tomorrow, that will be 5 days in a row working out. I am moving in the right direction.

Today was good and bad. Tomorrow will be better. I will be productive, that I promise.

Warning: New Blog Subject, Title, Etc.

So, I just want to warn you that if you are following this blog, the subject has changed. It started as a sugar detox, stop smoking blog, but the more I think about it, the reason I need to stop eating sugar and stop smoking is for a much bigger reason than just health. I am infertile. So, this blog is going to start delving into that. SO, if that is totally not up your alley, then please feel free to stop following it. I won’t be offended.

I also added a widget to the side of the page that shows how long I’ve been alcohol free, sugar free, smoke free, wheat free and binge free. I stole this from a fellow blogger at Wheat on Trial. She is an amazing blogger that I follow. She’s witty, a runner, a fellow cookie lover (trying to break the habit). Anyway, I love to read her blogs, LOVE to read her blogs. She makes me feel like I’m not alone in some of the things that I do. I don’t just eat one cookie, I eat 10. I like that she puts it up on her blog, it keeps her accountable and it lets me cheer along with her or feel for her when she trips up. I feel like we have a lot in common, except I can’t run 6 miles and she is most likely not infertile. If she ever reads my blog, I hope she understands why I’m using her idea. It’s accountability for me.

So, here’s my back story.

I am 35 right now and will be 36 in September. My husband (the hubs) is 47. We met 8 years ago and have been married for 5 years. We are happy, we have fun, we are best friends. We both have been married previously, so we decided fairly quickly after meeting and living together to start trying for children. We tried for a few months, I bought a fertility monitor and soon found that I was probably not ovulating. I was not totally surprised. I had been off birth control for at least 5 years with my previous marriage and never got pregnant. Thinking back on it now, when I was 23, I went to an acupuncturist to quit smoking. He told me I had women’s problems. I had no idea what he was talking about. Now I do.

I had resigned myself to the fact that we were probably not going to have children. One night, laying in bed, I asked the hubs whether he would regret not giving it one last try and he said “yes”. So, I made an appointment with my OB/GYN. She had me do my CD 21 blood work. I know now that it should’ve been 7dpo, but it didn’t matter anyway, I wasn’t ovulating. I think my level was 2.5 or something. So, she immediately started me on Clomid, 50 mg. Eight months later, I still wasn’t consistently ovulating on Clomid at 200 mg. I was also charting my cycles and joined the fertility friend website. I was taking supplements I found on the internet, anything I could do to liken my chances. Finally, I had had enough and asked for a referral to an RE. I love my RE. She is young and she listens. I had all of the tests and everything came back normal except that I am a carrier for Cystic Fibrosis. The hubs tested normal and was not a carrier for CF (whew!). She started me on Letrozole and tested me and I ovulated. We continued on that for 4 months. That brings me to today. I am waiting for a new cycle to start so I can start preparing for my first IUI.

In my own mental preparation, I turned to the internet for more answers and I found the From Infertility 2 Pregnancy webinar. It’s two weeks of people who specialize in natural fertility. You should check it out. It’s an hour every day, which is too much for me, but the ones that I’ve listened to made so much sense, especially about diet and lifestyle. Now, I’m not stupid, I know drinking and smoking can cause infertility, but I was in a little bit of denial that that was the cause. Now, I really think it is. SO! I am going wheat, dairy, soy, alcohol, sugar, caffeine and smoke free. I will practice positive thinking, visualization, EFT and whatever else I can do to get my emotional state out of the dumps. This is my journey and you’re welcome to join me.

Day 6 – Second Verse Same as the First and FAILURE-ish

Should have been posted last night.

Day 6 – April 7, 2013

SW: 134.6

CW: 128.8 – 5.8 lbs down

GW: 120

MUSIC

This picture is one of the reasons I love living in New Orleans and working in the French Quarter on the weekend. There is always a brass band or second line, maybe a guy dressed in a bunny costume or Santa in the summer (I’ll try and get a pic). Whatever is going on, it is always fun. This is the season for festivals, so it will be crazy!

Today was pretty much the same as yesterday until I got home from the French Quarter.

Here’s what I ate:

12:30 PM – Breakfast

Grilled Chicken Breast from Hamburger Seafood

2:30 PM – Lunch

3 boiled eggs, 2 cups carrots, 1 small granny smith apple and 3 oz. almonds

7:00 PM – Dinner

Paleo Taco Salad – See Pic from before.

So, three things happened this evening that aren’t on my smoking/no sugar plan.

1. I found half a pack of cigarettes in our truck and the hubs and I smoked them. All of them. It was gross at first, then it felt good. I hate this addiction, it is the worst! We start again tomorrow.

2. I had some beers. This in itself isn’t that bad, but alcohol is not allowed on the 21 dsd. Beer doesn’t really contain sugar, most of the sugar is converted to alcohol, but there may be some residual. I think the residual sugar is part of the reason. Another reason is that they do not want you to drink your calories and then lastly, you are more likely to veer from the plan when alcohol is consumed. I don’t feel completely bad about this one, but I know it will be tougher for me this Friday at the next traveling happy hour (WHICH WE ARE HOSTING – STUPID, huh?) because that little voice in my head will be saying “A few beers won’t hurt, you drank last Sunday, go ahead”. I will try with everything that I have to stop that little stupid voice.

3. I totally overate. Since I’ve been eating the eggs, almonds, apple and carrot snacks over the last 3 days, I’ve noticed how good almonds and carrots taste together. So, I started thinking and googling recipes that contained those two ingredients and no sugar. I really didn’t find anything other than some carrot souffle recipes. I knew I could come up with something. So, I’ve been percolating and came up with carrot/almond cookieish cookies. I actually had no idea that they would turn out like cookies, but that  is what happened. So, I took a cup of cooked carrots and mashed them (they needed to be mashed more than I did), two eggs, separated and 3 oz of almonds, ground (my food processor sucks, so these only got partially ground, I used them all anyway). You mix the mashed carrots, egg yolks and almond meal, beat the egg whites until you have stiff peaks, fold the egg whites into the carrot mixture, drop them on a greased pan and cook at 350 for 10 minutes or until you can smell the nuts.

They turned out pretty good, not sweet enough of course, but I figured they wouldn’t turn out at all. So, instead of putting them away, I ate all but two, which is pretty much 600 calories. Add the beer calories to that and I am about 1000 calories over my daily caloric intake. I’m sure I’ll be paying for it tomorrow on the scale. The saving grace for this is that I still did not have any sugar. Yes, I overate, but it was on healthy stuff. Still, a calorie is a calorie.

Here’s the approximate breakdown for today: 2884 calories, 150g carbs, 136g fat, 138g protein and 55g sugar

Day 5 – Out and About in the French Quarter with Art

Day 5 – April 6, 2013

SW:134.6

CW: 129.4 – I’m down 5.2 lbs since Tuesday? That just doesn’t seem possible. I totally expect the scale to start moving much slower next week.

GW: 120

Today, I met the hubs in the French Quarter to help sell his artwork in Jackson Square. It always proves to be amusing. People watching in New Orleans never gets old. It was the first weekend of absolutely beautiful weather. This weekend NOLA (New Orleans, Louisiana) is hosting the Women’s Final Four. The city is packed and people are spending money.

ART

This is what we do on the weekends.

I haven’t been able to figure out how to do my Intermittent Fasting on the weekends. I tend to be more hungry in the morning on the weekends. But, this morning I brewed some coffee and everything was fine. Here’s what I ate:

12:30 PM – Breakfast

Grilled Chicken breast from Hamburger Seafood Company. There aren’t too many options in the quarter that are 21dsd approved, so I’ll just stick to the basics on the weekend.

2:30 PM – Lunch

3 hard-boiled eggs, 2 cups carrots raw, 1 small granny smith apple and 3 oz almonds. This is easily becoming my favorite go to meal. It really feels a little like snacking and I need that when I’m in the French Quarter, but it is enough food to fill me up as a meal.

7:00 PM – Dinner

I made chicken fajita salad. I didn’t take a picture of it, it looked just like the taco salad I made the other day but with chicken and bell peppers. I added too much salsa and need to adjust the seasonings next time. It wasn’t too bad, just a bit too much.

The cravings were pretty strong this evening. I think the cigarette cravings started first. The hubs is quitting too and he used a puff on the electronic cigarette to help his. I just grit my teeth and tried not to think about it. After the cigarette cravings, I started feeling snacky too. They were pretty powerful tonight, but I made it.

I spoke to my Dad this evening as well. He’s sticking to his end of the bargain too. He said he may even up it and go to the gym 3 times a week. Awesome! Whenever I think about wanting to smoke, I just think – No, I made a pact with my dad. So far, so good.

That’s it.